suffocation; untuk banyak nama, dengan banyak rasa..
there’s too much feelings about too many things:
too many pressure for an already broken wing
too many words said in all the wrong ways
too many meaning clouds in your gaze
too many time spent by heart,
which makes it even harder to be even a split second apart
.
i want you to know that i breathe you in,
so i suffocate when your away
but there’s too much pride in me to say: i want you to stay.
many smiles hiding secrets stolen from deep down,
when too many people are making just too many unnecessary sounds.
.
we complete our sentences even without words, and i hate it.
so let’s not wander off questioning how we feel about this & where we go from here, dear.
.
you live in these chambers i have of words and thoughts
so i can’t make a difference of what you know and what not.
ah, it’s overwhelming how we always figure each other out.
.
this complicated confusion is the one thing i don’t need right now.
so i’ll just spill it so i can go on,
whatever happens, i’m promise you
this bond we have is never gone.
.
the first day of may,
i agree, come what may.
*i know you love me too, know matter what
and i can assure you that it’s vice versa.
but ‘always being there’ isn’t always have to be in literal meaning, you know..
Uncategorized | Comments (4)numb?
endless cycle:
masalah–> manipulasi ekspresi –> regulasi emosi
sakit/after-effectnya? supressed automatically.
well, repressed too, sometimes. but only when it really hurts.
kalo kata sahabat gw:
"syl, jangan senyum kalo ga mau senyum.
kalo kamu gini terus, kamu bisa gila!"
ya terus harus gimana??
i try to communicate things with others, you know.
but as long as i can deal with it, i’m keeping everything to myself.
emang udah kayak gitu.
kata mama, ga boleh banyak ngeluh.
so i don’t.
i know it’s not good for me. but i can’t help it.
i’m sorry.
.
untuk bunga-bunga matahari.
especially Yunita Fransisca & Wikan Putri Larasati.
thank you guys, for always being there to heal me.
maaf ya, tadi sibuk nangis di H3 sampe MOW-nya keteteran.
blessings, you all are!
sahabatan sampe nenek-nenek ya kitaa.. :’)
Uncategorized | Comment (0)23:45
Okay, I don’t actually know how to describe how I feel right
now –juga lagi ga bisa berpanjang lebar karena gw terlalu excited to write anything much.
Gni, buat yang ga tau, orangtua gw itu amat-sangat-super-duper
ketat soal jam malam.
Intinya, mereka ga suka bgt kalo gw nyampe rumah after dark
falls.
Tapi karena tadi ada pnutupan psygames & psyart 2008
dimana gw jadi pj upacara pengalungan medali, ga mungkin kan gw pulang duluan
sbelum acara beres?
Setelah perdebatan yang panjang tentang ikut atau tidak ikut
9and the circumstances, of course) syukurnya, nyokap mengizinkan walau dengan
berat hati dan mengirim supir gw untuk menjemput malemnya . Eh, ternyata si mas
supir udah disuruh standby dari jam 8 malem di kampus. Mungkin si mama brharap
gw tergerak dan pulang.lebih cepat (tapi maav mam, ga bisaa..)
Jam 10-an, si laptop gw, paco, misplaced.
p a n i c .
Yang akhirnya ketemu di loker sih. I have no idea how it got
in there, but whoever put it there, trimakasiih. Sumpah deh, lo PASTI masuk surga.
Amiin x)
So, gw janjinya balik jam 10 sama nyokap eh itu udah jam
10.20 si paco masih blum ktemu..
Stelah ktemu, gw dan ichan – my bestfriend- buru-buru balik.
Sambil jalan menuju gedung A dimana gw bakal dijemput,
Kdengeran sayup-sayup suara anak-anak dari lapangan ;
lo-lo-lo gy-gy-gy lo-gy psychology, YEAHH!
: Yell-guys.
Hmm.
I always love to leave things when it’s at it’s best.
For the sake of memories.
Trus gw buru-buru ke lobby gedung A tempat mas supir gw
jemput.
naik mobil.
Liat jam, 23:45.(dalam hati: mati gw. bisa diapain
nih sama Ayah?)
Liat handphone: 6 missed calls. 4 messages.
–silence for a few seconds—
Matiin ac, buka jendela lebar-lebar.
Matiin handphone. Idupin radio dan nghirup nafas
dalam-dalam.
..FREE.
Damn, it’s one of the greatest feelings.
And I’m planning to keep feeling that way. Starting from..
now.
Post ini untuk panitia psygames++psyart2008.
Thanks for working so hard. Great job, guys!
Especially my dearest Wikan, Namoong, Maricil, dan Ania.
I only have two words; THANK YOU.
Looking forward to work with all of you again in the future,
love you all lotsa, babies 
Oh and you of course. Thanks for tonight.
00.47
Release!
Uncategorized | Comment (0)sebait rasa.
coba waktu,
diam sebentar. statis sedetik saja.
lihat mereka berdua;
tidakkah ada sebuah rasa mengalir ngilukan dada dan melilit mati jantungmu?
.
aku disini, waktu
terperangah,
namun kepalaku selalu tegak seperti biasa, otomatis memanipulasi ekspresi dan regulasikan tempo denyutku
.
tapi cobalah, waktu
tegak sejenak.
aku masih disini,
dengan rasa yang tak tahu harus kuapakan
& mengutuk diri sendiri
: karena aku masih bertahan!
11 April 2008
R U N Y A M .
Uncategorized | Comment (0)